I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
