She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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