What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
