3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
