haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
