That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
