SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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