kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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