he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
