Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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