Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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