you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
