Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
