margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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