If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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