he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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