well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize