I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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