So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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