Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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