if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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