Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
