jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize