Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he fucked my hip out of place.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
