i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
