Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
