Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
