When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
