I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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