Rock
Scissors
Fuck
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
