he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
