some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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