I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
