Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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