hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
