you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
