dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
