My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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