guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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