Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
