the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
