i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
