I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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