Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
