totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
