last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
