I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize