I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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