I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
