he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i think i just lost a toe
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
