We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
