i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize