Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
