But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Be still, my beating vagina.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
