sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
