Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
