I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
