Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
