Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
