So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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