I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize