I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
