My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
