exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
