I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
