how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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