We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
