A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
