My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
