Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
