I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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