I wannas sexs uuuuu
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
