I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
