Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
