Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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