You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
