im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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