the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize