There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
