i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
