It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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