you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
