they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
