Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
