I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
