you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
