i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize