i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My dick has a subreddit
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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