I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
