We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
