You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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