I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
