PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
