Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
