Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
