absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
