I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
