we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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