I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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