my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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