So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
