You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
