there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
