I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
