Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
