Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
