put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
