actually, I'm a sock model
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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