Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
