I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
