hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
